Asking For Help
So many parents and caregivers feel guilty asking for, or accepting help. We pride ourselves on being self sufficient and independent. When a devastating event, such as a diagnosis of cancer, happens to a family, everyone’s physical and emotional needs change. Suddenly we find ourselves needing help in one way or another, there is definitely no shame in that. Some families are lucky enough to be able to rely on family who live close:
“We had family practically live with us for the first month after Lauren's diagnosis”- Scott and Jennifer
“My Mother-in-law sort of organized it for us and made sure that she was at our house when the food was dropped off and put it away, so all we'd have to do was heat it up. So nice”- Tiffany
When Family does not live geographically close, it can make things a little more complicated. If friends and neighbors are aware of your circumstances, they are usually waiting to be asked so they can step up and help in any way they can.
It can feel awkward to ask for help, but remember that it makes everyone feel better to know that they are able to help you in any small way. You can also maintain closer friendships with the friends who feel like part of your support group. Our families re-iterated time and time again that if possible, you should find a way to get around feeling guilty and rely on friends for help….
“I have a problem asking people for help, I feel guilty when people do things for me or my family that I feel I should be doing. The one thing I learned was that your friends, family and people you have never met before will be coming through the walls to do things for you, so get over how it makes you feel and just ask”. -Kim
“When people ask, what can we do to help; here is where you really need to take advantage of that offer”. - Jennifer
Some friends find remarkable ways to find help for your family:
"A friend put a full page ad in the community newspaper, and we had some help based on that". – Jennifer and Scott
Most families however find that it is co-workers, neighbors, church or temple communities that step up to provide assistance. Try to write down some ideas so that when you are asked you can provide friends with ideas of how to best help your family. That help may come in the form of something physical or be more spiritual in nature.
“Everyone can't provide dinner next Tuesday, but they can pray, which is something we always asked for”. -Scott and Jennifer
So many parents and caregivers feel guilty asking for, or accepting help. We pride ourselves on being self sufficient and independent. When a devastating event, such as a diagnosis of cancer, happens to a family, everyone’s physical and emotional needs change. Suddenly we find ourselves needing help in one way or another, there is definitely no shame in that. Some families are lucky enough to be able to rely on family who live close:
“We had family practically live with us for the first month after Lauren's diagnosis”- Scott and Jennifer
“My Mother-in-law sort of organized it for us and made sure that she was at our house when the food was dropped off and put it away, so all we'd have to do was heat it up. So nice”- Tiffany
When Family does not live geographically close, it can make things a little more complicated. If friends and neighbors are aware of your circumstances, they are usually waiting to be asked so they can step up and help in any way they can.
It can feel awkward to ask for help, but remember that it makes everyone feel better to know that they are able to help you in any small way. You can also maintain closer friendships with the friends who feel like part of your support group. Our families re-iterated time and time again that if possible, you should find a way to get around feeling guilty and rely on friends for help….
“I have a problem asking people for help, I feel guilty when people do things for me or my family that I feel I should be doing. The one thing I learned was that your friends, family and people you have never met before will be coming through the walls to do things for you, so get over how it makes you feel and just ask”. -Kim
“When people ask, what can we do to help; here is where you really need to take advantage of that offer”. - Jennifer
Some friends find remarkable ways to find help for your family:
"A friend put a full page ad in the community newspaper, and we had some help based on that". – Jennifer and Scott
Most families however find that it is co-workers, neighbors, church or temple communities that step up to provide assistance. Try to write down some ideas so that when you are asked you can provide friends with ideas of how to best help your family. That help may come in the form of something physical or be more spiritual in nature.
“Everyone can't provide dinner next Tuesday, but they can pray, which is something we always asked for”. -Scott and Jennifer
Contributors: Scott, Jennifer, Tiffany and Kim
Blogger: Lu
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